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| Hpathy Ezine - Oct., 2004 | ||||
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Mr. Sulphur Applies for a Loan -- Lowanna Hugall |
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When Mr. Sulphur arrives, the bank manager, Mr Arsenicum, is already sitting in the interview room examining his manicured nails. "He’s late," the bank manager muses; its 11.13 am. In a nervous, excited cough, Mr. Sulphur announces himself. Mr. Arsenicum is very meticulous and notes the time on his new note pad as he asks Mr. Sulphur to have a seat, but that is not before he shakes Mr. Sulphur’s hot hand. ‘Yuck’ thinks the bank manager, "he has dirty, sweaty palms!" “Oh yuck!”, says Mr. Sulphur in his head. “Germs, ughhh! I have no time to get sick from germs today! He blurts out a groan, “Sorry, do you have a men's room?” “Yes just down the hall,” replies Mr Arsenicum. Mr. Sulphur then jumps back up and rushes into the bathroom to wash his hands. When Mr. Sulphur is out of sight, Mr Arsenicum too races off to his own private, immaculate bathroom as he too is relieved to wash the germs off his hands. Mr. Sulphur finds his way back to the office. He walks into the room and immediately goes over to the window and opens it exclaiming how hot it is. “We need some fresh air in here,” he states. “You don’t mind?” Mr. Arsenicum is quietly relieved as the stench of Mr Sulphur’s body odour permeating around him is becoming nauseating. He again apologises to Mr. Arsenicum but rather half heartedly, not really caring that he is late or inconveniencing the manager. Mr. Sulphur thinks Mr. Arsenicum will soon understand and see how brilliant he is. Mr. Sulphur gives Mr. Arsenicum no time to talk but, in his exuberence, throws in the air all his notes so they land all over the boardroom table. Mr Arsenicum is taken aback but impressed with the sheer volume of pages he sees before him, and yet, a bit disgusted at such a mess covering his orderly area. Mr. Sulphur begins with a flurry of mumbling about this and that, while at the same time holding up a piece of paper and then another. He bounces from one idea to the next. As he speaks, he gets warmed up and his eyes flush a brilliant red along with his whole face. Mr. Sulphur starts using Mr Arsenicum’s stapler and hole punch and office stationary to make a point while at the same time Mr. Arsenicum frantically grabs back his office equipment and replaces them to their original spots. Mr. Sulphur doesn’t understand Mr. Arsenicum’s behaviour and continues to take pens and pencils from off his desk and repositioning them to demonstrate his ideas. At this Mr Arsenicum takes a deep breath and sits back, wipes his suit down in an irritated manner and then suddenly, with his whole arm, in one swift move, wipes Mr. Sulphur’s scrappy paper off of his pristine work area and attempts to take charge. “Firstly, Mr. Sulphur, if I may start,” declares Mr. Arsenicum. Mr. Sulphur is shocked that he is interrupted. “We need to fill out your application form, sir." “But I want to tell you about my ideas,” Mr. Sulphur emphatically states. “We can get to that later… firstly, Name…” states the manager. The manager looks up sternly at him. “Grrr”, grumbles Mr. Sulphur who flushes red in the face. Procedures he has no time for but will go along with it today as he will shortly be praised. Mr Sulphur then proceeds to fill out the form. He is now getting irritated and wants to release his grand ideas onto the world starting with Mr Arsenicum. “Sir, Sir!” says Mr. Arsenicum to alert Mr. Sulphur back on task, who is daydreaming again. “Can I have a look at your business plan?” “Oh, yes it’s all here,” Mr. Sulphur states as he gestures towards the mountainous pages before him. “Hmmm … no,” says the manager. The form I gave you last month, have you filled that out?” Mr. Sulphur suddenly feels an itch on his scaly, sweaty scalp. He scratches but it seems to cause more pain as it burns more. He declares, “Oh, that one? Uhhh..." With that thought, he starts rummaging through his pockets saying it was here somewhere….He moves into one pocket and then the other. “Ah, here it is….ahh, no this is that library fine I was meant to pay last week...Okay maybe in this…pocket." He pushes his big sweaty hands into another pocket. “Okay now I have it!" Mr Arsenicum is visibly disgusted at the disorder and time wasting. He looks at his watch urging Mr. Sulphur to hurry it up. “Rightieo,” says Mr. Sulphur, happy to have found the form. He pulls out a crinkly paper, folded in eighths which he tries to smooth, only to realize, no, this is not it either, but..."This is my thesis proposal, which I've been looking everywhere for!" Suddenly he remembers, "I don't have it. I decided there was not enough space to write on it, so I decided it would be better this way." He gestures to the many scraps of paper before him. He appears defiant now and egotistical as he thinks he knows best. Frustrated the bank manager rubs his forehead with both hands. Mr. Sulphur is now getting very frustrated with the ignorance of this man. He sees this interview turning sour and is getting angry as to why such a dumb man would be in charge of business loans. Mr. Sulphur’s friendly exterior belies his inability to find words to explain the way he is thinking. “Right!” says Mr. Arsenicum, quickly grasping that Mr. Sulphur is, in fact, in no position to be borrowing from his bank and decides that he will, nonetheless submit the loan, knowing full well it will never be approved. He strokes back his neat short hair with his hands in an attempt to compose his now obvious aggitation. “Mr. Sulphur, I will need to see some ID from you now so we can put in this loan application." “What?” Mr. Sulphur experiences a flash of heat throughout his body. He is puzzled as he was thinking this would be the time of his great unveiling. “ ID?” he repeats. “I don’t have THAT here!"
Mr. Sulphur is utterly perplexed. While the Manager speaks the words Mr. Sulphur’s red rimmed eyes open wide, as does his mouth. Mr Sulphur turns his back on Mr Arsenicum, mumbling about how he has never met a more stupid man. He collects all his pieces of paper off the table and floor in the same rushed manner that he had collected them off the floor in his flat. Again Mr. Arsenicum holds his arm out stretched with the forms that Mr. Sulphur needs to fill out. Mr. Sulphur snatches them and without a goodbye, storms out of the bank. Cursing the bank as he walks unevenly up the street, he tosses the bank forms in a garbage bin. “They would be lucky to be involved in my business,” he said. Mr. Sulphur is now very upset and feels very misunderstood, but will chalk the day up to an unfortunate experience where the bank has employed the likes of Mr. Arsenicum who in Mr. Sulphur’s eyes is not of his intellectual calibre. Whilst he walks he surmises about how the world is not ready for such a man as himself and his brilliant ideas. So for today, he heads up to the liquor shop for a bottle of whisky to drown his bitter disappointment. So there you have it. Mr. Sulphur will drop in to the local curry house on the way home and will spend the night imagining more new, fantastic and colourful ideas for tomorrow in the hope that one day soon he will be recognised for the genius that he is! |
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